I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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