I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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