Just cropdusted the office
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
