I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
