My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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