I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
