She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
