You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
