I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
