He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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