Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
