The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
