i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize