i was born a porn star she said
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
