You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
