Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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