I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
