I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
