What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
