I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
