Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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