tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
