Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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