I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
