Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
