I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
