Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
