oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
