I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
