whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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