My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
