Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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