Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think a kid would responsible me up
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
