Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
