I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
