what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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