I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He felt like a one man threesome
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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