my mouth tastes like poor choices
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
