I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
