The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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