Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
