So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
