I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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