Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
