if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
