$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
