ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
