I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
