official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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