Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
