he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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