I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
