White coat. Heels.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
