Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
