Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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