I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
