brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
