a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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