You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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