Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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