Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
