: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just tell him i said nine months
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
