After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They are going to name an STD after you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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