You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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