Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
