I'm so fucking centered right now
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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