i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ttyl tear gas
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
