I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize