you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
