On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
