Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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